My cell phone rings and I see that it is the number of someone that I often don’t have patience for. I have a dilemma; on one hand I want to press the red button, and not have to deal with that nag. On the other hand I think I should press the green button; after all, a person needs my help and it’s my spiritual duty to be there for them. So, I answer.
Let’s dissect that battle and the triumph. When I see who is calling, my self-centered internal voice says "don’t pick up - it’s him again." Immediately the G‑d centered voice comes along and says, "Pick up - it’s the right thing to do." The battle ensues and ultimately I listen to the G‑dly soul and pick up … a resounding victory. On a cosmic level, a revolution just happened. The heavenly hosts go wild. All the worlds, from the highest on down, rejoice. The cosmos revel, but to me this stupendous battle between right and wrong is instantly forgotten. Why?
This event is something that I want to forget as soon as possible. All I remember from it is the struggle and my initial selfish reaction. However, to G‑d the most important part of this event is my victory. When my G‑dly self overcame the struggle and did the right thing. My lack of self-esteem warps my perception causing me to overlook the good that I do. This false perception is one that the addict must break away from.
This prayer, which is commonly used by people in recovery, helps me to see things rightly.
Please G‑d help me see myself through Your eyes.
When I have the capacity to see myself the same way that G‑d sees me, I have the capacity to celebrate my victories. Victory is defined in the dictionary as, "success in any contest or struggle involving the defeat of an opponent or the overcoming of obstacles." Any contest or struggle, no matter how big or small.
So this Chanukah, as we celebrate the traditional victories we must also focus on our personal ones. We celebrate the military victory of few Jews over many Greeks and the wondrous outcome of how the last cruse of oil lit the menorah for eight days. At the same time we personally acknowledge all the times that our G‑dly self overcame our self centered ego. We recognize that the struggle has value only because it brought us to victory. Once we won the battle, the only memory we keep is one of triumph. The only memory that we celebrate is the power of light over darkness, wisdom over folly.
We all have triumphs, many a day. Sometimes the struggles outnumber them. At the end of the day, every time we win it is because we have G‑d in our lives. The more we learn and pray the more we are able to see the power that G‑d has given us. And that’s something to celebrate.
