Join Us in Shining a Light on Miscarriage and Stillbirth

I still grieve being childless because of medical disabilities, preventing even the attempt a pregnancy. I understand the considerable pain and disappointment of being childless but yeah, I am envious of women whose bodies were healthy enough to let them try.

I think we are probably a minority within a minority of childless women and I don’t hear it addressed. People don’t understand what it’s like for those that are unable to have healthy intercourse, or have inheritable problems that would cripple a child, and therefore make childbearing a dangerous exercise in gambling with another life. And there are those of us who do not choose to sacrifice our lives in the attempt of bearing a child, despite other medical conditions, because who wants to make someone else start life as an orphan? And so my nest and the nest of thousands of other women is painfully empty with constant reminders all around me of people with more normal lives. What can we do to help each other? Reply

Thank you for bringing much needed light to this subject. I am 81 yo now but in my twenties I suffered 5 difficult pregnancies. My son and daughter have brought me great happiness yet the pain of suffering and loss never really goes away. My book, SONG OF THE HEART, recently updated and republished, tells my story. Not only of my torturous pregnancies but also the story of my life which was greatly impacted emotionally, physically and psychically. I describe how I sought, with the power of love, to overcome it all as well as how the inner dimension, my soul, was impacted. And beyond all expectation or common reason, how Adam my baby boy who died on my 22nd birthday, came back to me 26 years later in spirit form. I have counseled many women including at the Pregnancy Loss Center in Manhattan years ago and I wrote my story not only for my children but for all women. I continue serving women without charge with my home gatherings. Reply

This is especially bitter for an elderly woman who has lost her only hope of having a child. Only a large number of children can protect from such grief: That is, it is necessary to give birth. It's a duty. Such tragedies in a large family are a feat of both parents and the deceased fetus - their contribution to the survival of the healthiest offspring. It's not easy, but it's a duty. Reply

26 years later I am still traumatized by my miscarriage at 3 months which landed me in the hospital for a week since it required major surgery. An abdominal ectopic was discovered. That's right, the pregnancy lodged in my abdominal area berween the fallopian tube and uterus. I was never able to concieve again naturally. After years of invitro we are childless. I accept that it was not in Hashem" plan for us, and not for trying and praying. The disappointment runs deep. I continually search for ways to make my life meaningful. I volunteer, I run a program at my shul. It was very hurtful when people would say "why don't you adopt?" Most of all, I learn. I have chavrusahs, and I take very good care of my husband and my home. My husband is retired now and learns and is the webmaster for out shul and serves on the security squad. Reply

Thank you for speaking/writing about this topic.
I never thought I would feel any kind of traumatic emotion after our daughter was stillborn.
We were blessed with a son one year later.
HOWEVER, I can not tell you the depth of my sadness only 30 YEARS LATER, when I allowed myself to mourn over our dear daughter of blessed memories.
Yes please mourn over your stillborn child or miscarriage, so that you can embrace life again and hold a place deep in your heart for the child that is still a part of you. Reply

I have often wondered Chana, if the long term taking contraceptives have anything to do with miscarriages.... Reply

I try not to dwell, I had 5 beautiful children, plus 2 that ended in my 3rd trimester, very hard place to be. Then I lost my two oldest daughters one in 1995 and one in 2020 young and beautiful full of life , I do the best I can to be there for their children Reply

Any Woman who has had a miscarriage has my Solidarity. Reply

I can't even imagine what it must feel like when 2 people plan for a pregnancy then a mishap such as a miscarriage or a still birth takes place. My heart cries out to G d to comfort and relieve these people's pain. G d is not punishing you for something you may have done or said; it's just one of those unforeseen events that take place in all our lives. Please pray and speak with a Rabbi or a counselor about your mental health;
your moods and emotions and the emptiness you must be feeling can be overwhelming. I also pray both of you will allow some time to heal both inside and out before making the journey to plan for another blessed child. G d loves you and I'm sure your friends and family support both of you. Always remember medical problems such as lost pregnancies and still births just happen, and I hope to hear all of you beautiful
people will continue to honor G d by loving each other and having more babies. Reply

It's even more traumatic for the lively siblings I understood from experience since motherhood comes with built-in defense mechanism that should be thought to children. Reply

I honestly think it is better not to dwell on such tragedies. It is better to move on, build a family and give your life to them. Reply

I lost my son at three months of age, so I have some idea what you're going through, my condolences, and have thoughts and prayers coming your way. Shalom Shalom Reply

Shalom aleichem. One of the most difficult juncture of my life was full recognition of the mental and physical illnesses in my "birth family". My decision to not create another generation of agonized witnesses involved an abortion and tubal ligation. My family of origin may or may not have had any latitude of choice in minimizing the cluster of illnesses I refused to pass on. My hope is that your reaction will be empathy and not hate. Reply

My cousin Aimee Barron is the director of a group called I was supposed to have a baby. Please look her up Reply