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The Truth About Love and Marriage

The key to a happy marriage

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The Truth About Love and Marriage: The key to a happy marriage

We’ve heard a lot about a match made in heaven, but what are the real ingredients for a healthy and happy marriage?
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Topics: Shalom Bayit (Marital Harmony), Love, Relationships, Marriage
By Manis Friedman
Rabbi Manis Friedman, a noted Chassidic philosopher, author and lecturer, is dean of Bais Chana Women's Institute of Jewish Studies.
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30 Comments
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Grace Kenya November 3, 2022

Powerful teachings... That's very Wise of you Rabbi.
I have learnt a lot, thank you. Reply

David Harrison Alexandria, VA July 13, 2021

Thank you for the insight, wisdom, and discernment for navigating the path of marriage. Reply

Colton Reisner Effingham July 10, 2021

I know I’m not keeping Shabbos by posting this at this time but Rabbi, absolutely adore your commentary on the difference between love and marriage. Thank you so much for sharing this, it has helped me tremendously in a short stretch without diving into the Torah, you sum it up pretty good and I’m sure H-Shem is proud. Reply

Shaina Miller San Diego April 28, 2020

You are so bright. Matchmaker match maker make me a match. Love to find that person. Shaina Reply

Tanya September 4, 2019

Love vs commitment is understood. But how does infidelity betrayal and abuse, fit in within this context once married. Reply

Simcha Bart for Chabad.org September 5, 2019
in response to Tanya:

Commitment does not mean that one should suffer abuse. In cases where there is any danger to the spouses, whether emotional and obviously physical - this must be stopped immediately. One cannot work on commitment when one is being abused. Reply

Anonymous November 2, 2018

Very wise. I will share this. Reply

Abajuo Anthony January 3, 2021
in response to Anonymous :

Yes you are right Reply

carolyn Briscoe Mount Hope, Ontario August 12, 2018

The Truth about Love and Marriage Brilliant! Love your light hearted humour in your teaching. :) Reply

Mosley sawati PNG April 29, 2018

Thank you. I know heaven knows my future wife. It's just my own opinion. Reply

Moishe Brooklyn February 7, 2018

To This video should be published in Hebrew Spanish Portuguese and every single language subtitles.
Will save many many marriages. Reply

Jael January 8, 2018

So beautiful, thank you Reply

Delma New York November 28, 2017

Beautiful Reply

Anonymous California November 22, 2015

Single men and women are better off than married men and women Please cite your source for this study. Reply

oscar Texas November 6, 2015

Rabbi Friedman Video's Rabbi, I am not Jewish, but i have learn with your videos enough to become one. Thank you!!! Reply

Anonymous Canada August 19, 2015

The truth about love and marriage. I so enjoyed your endearing way of speaking about this subject, you have made a difference in the way I see marriage now, especially that I have been divorced for many years and never wanted to remarry because of my experience, I thank you very much, your wife is a blessed woman Rabbi Manis Friedman. Reply

John Compton Olympia, WA March 29, 2015

Blessed Rabbi, This is a funny thing. I love your message and it is helping me a lot today. I have a saying I tell couples in trouble, "Repeat after me, 'My spouse is not my enemy'" I heard it at a conference and offer it to you. It has had a profound effect on many lives. Also, I have this as a question, Is the holy one the creator of the whole world? Has he not said, Avraham would be a blessing to the nations? When he made Israel his, do you think he wanted to say to all others, 'You are not mine'? I know I am not what you want me to be, but I ask you, is it up to me to make myself acceptable to Him? Reply

Anonymous February 28, 2014

This was wonderful ! Chuna the 3 pillars of marriage are 1. kindness 2. respect dignity 3.sanctity holiness. Reply

Anonymous January 19, 2014

love and marriage marriage is not necessary for true love...but a strong commitment is important for lasting joyous love Reply

JDV January 18, 2014

Marriage with Manis Freeman I agreed with much of what you said. a lot of people get in trouble because they confuse love with infatuation. however, Rabbi, you are very funny. have you ever thought of doing standup? Reply

Anonymous Tampa January 18, 2014

Irish What is the reference here to being Irish. You could be Italian or Irish and Jewish or Polish and Jewish. Look at the towns of Cohen in Ireland. This is mocking the people of Ireland beyond that you have an interesting teaching. A relationship with G-d is not bound by where you live but through a relationship . Reply

Chuna brooklyn January 15, 2014

We don't search for love. We don't need generic love. We need love from a husband, love from a wife, because you are mine. We demand love of ourselves to feel when we have something worthy of love in our life. Feeling love is appropriate for those important things in our lives. Loving "love" is selfish. It's not for marriage. Marriage is not a union, it is a reunion. There is a holiness to it. Like a 9 yr. old, who just says, "I want to get married!' That's what we need- A love for marriage- not for personal experience.

Marriage has 3 pillars that a prospective chasan/kala should look into about themselves. It requires:

1. Generosity. a. with your money (b/c it's expensive) b. with your space (can't say, 'take my money' but get out of my space) c. with your time.

2. Respect (you're not 'free' to be your worst, 'let it all hang out'. You must show respect to your spouse).

(Not sure what third pillar is.
perhaps it was said around 30 min.) Reply

Anonymous Monteal May 26, 2020
in response to Chuna:

Generosity
Respect
Sanctity ....

Take care ... Reply

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