Question:

I know that when you do something wrong you have to “do teshuvah” (repent), and “it’s never too late to do teshuvah,” and all of that. But how do you know when you have been forgiven? Or does the guilt just go on and on?

Answer:

Getting forgiven is great. But the real question is, “How do I clean up my mess and get on with life?”

As soon as you regret what you did, and resolve that it will never happen again, you are forgiven. You say out loud, “I did such-and-such right in front of You (because everywhere is right in front of You), and I really regret it, and I won’t do it again.” That’s called vidui. If you say it and you really mean it, you’re past it.

Just cleaning up your mess and getting back to where you started is a real waste of a good sin . . . But you’re not over it. It’s like getting sick: The doctor can prescribe powerful antibiotics to knock off the bacteria, or perform surgery to remove the malignant tissue. But even after that, there’s still a lot of time left for inflamed tissue to heal and for the body to recover.

So, really, there are three steps:

  1. Forgiveness
  2. Healing
  3. Health

. . . or think of them like this:

  1. Get past it
  2. Get over it
  3. Get it

Healing—getting over it—begins when you do something to clean up the mess you’ve made. What heals a spiritual mess-up? Once upon a time, it was by fasting. Today, fasting just makes bigger messes. Even in the time of the Talmud, those who were weakened by fasting did not fast; all the more so today.

That’s aside from the “holy roller” phenomenon you may have observed—that those who fast and do other such holy stuff can’t help announcing it to the world, and believing that they’ve become elevated spiritual beings, beyond the rest of us. That’s not healing; that’s messing up further.

So today, the best way to bring about healing is with lots of tzedakah (a.k.a. “charity”). Generally, a Jew is obligated to give ten percent of his profits to charities of his choice. So teshuvah means going beyond that. Even better, go out there with both your feet and do something good for someone with both of your hands. Now that’s teshuvah. You’re at Healing. But not yet at Health.

It’s said that G‑d created the possibility of sin in order to make teshuvah ila’ah (“higher teshuvah”) accessible Health is a whole new level where you’ve never been before. It’s when that mess-up in your past drives you to greater heights, with a surge of unprecedented energy. Your Torah study, prayer and mindfulness in life are inspired and driven by the thirst of having once been distant and now drawn close to the Light. This is called teshuvah ila’ah—“higher teshuvah.” It’s said that G‑d created the possibility of sin in order to make this accessible.

In other words, just cleaning up your mess and getting back to where you started is a real waste of a good sin. The whole point was to drive you further and higher. Because everything in life has purpose.

If so, the question is not just “did you get over it?” but “did you get it?”1