I'm Beginning to Lose Interest in Being Religious...

re-charging Reading the comments tells me that being connected with fellow Jews and an an empathetic rabbi helps to recharge one's faith. We are humans so we need other people. with the original question , the person seems to be in a stage of needing to go up a level in her faith and realizes that . With the new maturity that comes with motherhood, the way she used to relate to her faith as a single woman perhaps does not fit with who she is now. She cares enough to question her loss of interest, so her faith is obviously still important to her. Reply

"HALT" This may seem like an odd forum to suggest this but as someone who has dealt with addiction, addicted people and their underlying emotions, I would like to suggest the following formula: HALT. it stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Before a person succumbs to their addiction, which could be any number of things, not just alcohol or drugs but could include food, sleep etc., they are asked to "HALT"...stop and determine if any of the above four conditions are occurring. You see, many people attempt to change their feelings, or lack of feelings with substances. But the truth is that it is really an attempt to escape from what is going on emotionally. So how does this apply to the person's situation above? I suggest the person ask if their lack of enthusiasm over observance might be rooted in feelings of fatigue, loneliness and/or resentment issues in the home. Shining some light on these underlying emotions may help the person to pin point the underlying cause. Reply

finding that zeal again When I pray to HaShem to find why I was losing interest in Him, the answer was me being too contented with what I know. Even if I was to live a 1,000 years, I can never know enough, like HaShem knows. I don't consider myself a religious person. Judaism too me is the most intelligent and practical spiritual guidance there is and I am grateful to have received that gift and to make the most of it. That is what keeps me feeling freshly connected as opposed to just doing a religious routine or duty. Reply

Dear Anon,
I feel that I should say that your experience isn't only a Jewish one! I am a Catholic and I also go through periods of varying lengths of time, wondering if I am only "going through the motions". I find myself saying to G-d "where are you - and where am I?" It was a Hindu friend of mine who pointed out that the seemingly "sterile" periods are the times of true consolidation, before taking the next step up the ladder. Don't despair or even think of giving up. Hashem hears you and loves you. Reply

Losing interest... I have been observant for many years. There are times when I feel more engaged and times when I don't. Someone mentioned connecting with the rabbi to feel more connected. The rabbi is usually so busy with his family and the maintenance and growth of the shul, there seems to be little time for individual connections with congregants. Also, it seems that Chabad doesn't pay too much attention to older, divorced women once they are no longer able to conceive and bear children. The heart of the shul seems to be centered around growing families, as well it should be. But, if I have to sit at one more divorced or single lady's table, I'll scream. Although very connected Jewishly, it seems that right now, I maintain the lifestyle for my children as the matriarch and role model. I also know that feelings are fleeting, we all deserve to have them, and that we don't have to act on or pay heed to impulsive and reactive whims. Reply

very well spoken response! The heart of the law connecting with our own hearts is what makes all so meaningful! Reply

Sad thought Interesting one writer notes how "liberated" people feel when they become less observant...I would add guilt and then agree and wow...is that not a terribly sad comment on what our religion has become? Reply

Take a Break! I have not read all previous comments. It seems to me that you are getting bored and a bit depressed about what’s going on in your life. Maybe this every week routine has become too monotonous for you as could any other routine become to anyone. Sometimes it is better to step back for a while, take a break from all, give yourself some time out from repetitive situation until one day you suddenly have the urge to prepare for a feisty Shabbat for your family as well for yourself. If it makes them happy you will have your reward and that will make you happy too. Whatever time it will take let’s hope it will happen. A Shabbat dinner shouldn’t be such a struggle, it can be very simple, just a bit more fancy than every day’s dinner without all the fuss. Any big dinner like Thanksgiving and Jewish holidays require more work, but that’s once a year. Shabbat is every week, so make it easy for yourself. Reply

I think that this is a great question and Answer I find myself dealing with the same thing. I converted 20 years ago and for since then I got married, had two kids, three dogs, three houses and worked 50 hours a week. My faith was put on the back burner...

The best thing that gets me going is a visit from my Chabad Rabbi. He stops in every few weeks, we wrap tefillin and chat and then I am good for a few weeks. I would recommend giving him a call (whoever he is) and I'm sure he will motivate you. Reply

Loosing Intetest kn Religious Activities Dear Chana....You gave the woman many ways to get out of her disconnected state. Your advice was thoughtful and wise. If the passion begins to fade than one should try to reconnect as soon as possible. Eedee in Florida also listeda bbeautiful response....Regards, Reply

I'm in the same boat! I definitely understand this! I was doing pretty good with an observant lifestyle until my daughter was born and now that I can't go to services, I definitely feel a void in my life. Before my daughter, my husband and I attended Hebrew class once a week, Friday night services, and were at all the high holiday services. Now, we can't take Hebrew (no sitter--no, I don't know anyone and she really doesn't handle new people well, very sensitive), the only service really open to people with kids is the Tot Shabbat, but it's held 9 a.m. on Saturdays and we're all not really morning people, especially after having a good, relaxing Shabbat evening at home, no one wants to rush out the door Saturday morning to get to service.

I've signed up with Chabad's weekly newsletter and getting back to reading the morning prayers which has been helping. I do miss the Rabbi's talks during services though. For me, doing the tot service for the high holidays (especially Yom Kippur) is so unfulfilling. Reply

What has happened since 2008. The original article and most of the comments date from 2008. What has happened to the questioner and her faith since then?

I have observed that people who lose their faith appear to be delighted with the freedom they then gain. Losing a faith appears to bring as much contentment or happiness as gaining a faith.

The main problem is that the writer was/is married. None of the advice included discussing her feelings with the person she is supposed to be closest to - her husband. It may be that he has been secretly harbouring similar feelings, and has been reluctant to confess them to anyone.

But perhaps I am not understanding what constitutes a good Jewish marriage. We have been happily married for nearly 50 years. Both of us would regard having to "work at the relationship" as a sad sign that we had chosen the wrong partner. And we both rejoice in the knowledge that we each have one person with whom we can be completely honest. Reply

Do it for the kids, if not for yourself. My grandparents were observant, and my mom and dad decided not to bring us up that way for all sorts of reasons. The problem with this was that we lost the sense of communion with others like us and when I tried to connect as a teenager, my mom made fun of me. So, I turned to Christianity in which we were told JC would be our mother, our father, etc. so I didn't need a mom or dad. I left their home, and got embroiled in a sect like you could not believe. So, although it APPEARS that there is really no reason to observe anything, your children need you to give them this sense of belonging to a very strong tradition. The sabbath, in particular, was not a burden to rake us in. It was and is supposed to be FOR our sense of rest and a separation from the everyday stressful world to a more relaxed, loving day where we can be calm. I did notice my grandma worked way too hard both before the sabbath to get ready and during the sabbath to "serve" the rest of us, and in clean up. Oy. Reply

A SPIRITUAL DESERT Feeling excited about observing mitzvoth is Hashem's reward for our observance. If you have ever played Hide and Seek with your children, then you will understand that Hashem as our parent plays this game with His children. Remember how excited you were when you found your hidden parent? Someday G-d willing you will feel this. Meanwhile, do not share these feelings with your children or friends. Your soul is like a garden. When the soil is dry, it requires watering. Listen to your favorite Jewish music. Ask your husband to assist you in childcare in order for you to have proper rest. Have special Shabbos games for the children to enjoy while you and your husband enjoy a Shabbos nap. Reward the children with a Shabbos treat if they do not disturb you. Take a break from attending shul, or attend part of the prayers. Leave early to enjoy a quiet house before the kid's return. Please don't send the kids with your husband unless they are boys and are old enough to pray. Good luck! Reply

How we feel inside....... Dear Anon.,
I like what Chana said about our life with HaShem being like marriage. It is a relationship with the King of the Universe! Maybe sometimes the traditions can get in the way of remembering that Shabbat and the holidays are holy appointments to meet with HIM!

I love to spend time on Shabbat alone with HIM and the Chumash. I try to visualize HIM speaking directly to me as though we are having a private date. I hope this does not sound corny or disrespectful.

Duty without love and a clear understanding of what is needed is drudgery. HaShem did not ask us to do what is too difficult for us or what is not good for us. This is His love for us, just as parents instruct their children out of love. Our part is to obey out of our love for Him, our trust that He wants our good. Reduce your expectations, other people's expectations and look at HaShem's expectations of you.

May you fall in love with HaShem all over again, Reply

Thank you I've been feeling the same way. I like the Jerusalem mother's comment about choosing a couple of anchors and having our own glass of wine and reading time - that is really helpful. I often feel guilty about taking my own time but it actually is better for everyone in the family. And the wine doesn't hurt;) Shana tovah to all. Reply

being religious I really admire the woman who admitted that the work is hard and did not sugar coat it.
On the other hand, one can do wonders with what one has, you don't have to seek and move to a Jewish neighborhood.
Does the Almighty only see those in that area? I doubt it.
Maybe you are in the right place and don't enjoy the blessings that come with worries, be calm and the doors will open, I'm speaking from experience. Reply

I get it I've so much to say -- but the point I want to make is this (as I deal with this same issue a lot). Choose for yourself a couple of anchors. Candle lighting or morning blessings for example-- the basics. Hold onto those couple of things just for you. Shabbat and Kashrut you aren't walking away from so fast as you have a family to care for. Just hold on to two things no matter how distant you feel. Over the years, my "anchors" have helped to pull me back in.
Also, Friday night when everyone has finished, you should have a nice glass of wine and a good book and relax at the table and "savor" Shabbat. Tell your husband to care for the kids as you want to relax and learn. Soon enough, they'll want to extend the meal a little longer with you. Your interest will raise theirs. Raise an interesting issue to discuss from the book you are reading--no matter what the book is. Things will change for the better, G-d willing. I wish you a k'tiva v'chatima tova! Reply

Nice to see It is good to see comments that are not "pie in the sky", but practical, heartfelt and filled with empathy...

I think it is very natural and normal to "burnout" or have slumps or lose interest.

I have no magic wand...I only know to pick up and go again. Reply

Rabbi Chaim Miller gave an excellent discussion in his "Torah in Ten" video series on this subject (can watch on this site). He compared parshas Yisro with the parsha that follows, Mishpatim, He asked, why is it that Parshas Yisro, which describes the spectacular, mind-blowing revelation of Hashem and the Ten Words given at Har Sinai, followed by Mishpatim, which begins with the rather "anti-climatic" laws of Hebrew slaves? His answer is that there lies a great, hidden truth to this ordering: All spectacular spiritual insights or feelings, in fact almost all meaningful beginnings, are followed by the actual work of applying what you experienced/learned. There is a natural, anti-climatic let down that occurs after the initial experience. The solution, at least in part, is to be aware of this reality and practice remembering the initial joy of the experience. Also, try to surround yourself with others who are currently experiencing that initial joy, including helping/teaching them. Reply